Friday, September 22, 2006

Win a dream date with Bill O'Reilly

One of the things you learn when you study advertising and its effect on society is that you need to sell things with some zazz. And, I think the title to this post does so nicely. In a few short hours, the page views on this site will reach the millions.

But I digress...

You would think that Bill would have disappeared after the phone sex thing came out. Not for the fact that he had phone sex, but that he was so very, very bad at it:

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.
I mean come on, the man has the sexual charisma of a high school gym teacher. Nevertheless, like most conservatives he can do or say anything and remain in the public spotlight. Yet this week, he showed just how crazy he is. He falsely claimed on ABC that he was on an Al Qaeda hit-list:

"With the controversy comes death threats on a daily basis," O'Reilly said. "Not only from kooks. But the FBI came in and warned me and a few other people at Fox News that al Qaeda had us on a death list. ... That's a little disconcerting."
WOW. Bill O'Reilly is so nuts, that it would be an absolute joy to meet him. Not because I think I would like him, just because I could see if my following impressions of him are true:

  1. I bet he wears and ungodly amount of cologne, and not anything good. Probably Drakkar Noir
  2. I can guarantee he loves "REO Speedwagon"
  3. The man owns every Hustler magazine ever made and loves to show off his collection
  4. He would tell an endless number of stories about how he kicked Scott Baio's ass
  5. The man has horrible gas and blames it on everyone else
  6. I don't know how to find this out, but I think all of his underwear is tight and feline in nature.

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