Saturday, October 28, 2006

We Care About You

We at Discomo truly care about you, our religious conservative readers. Hell, I mean Heck, it's been a rough time. Here you thought that you could vote for a Republican administration that was inherently good because Bush prays like you pray. I mean sure, to date he has sent almost 50,000 civilians in Iraq to their death. Sure, he cut programs to help the poor, supports the death penalty, and actually doesn't take you seriously [here and here]. It's all ok, he's against abortion. Then, your Grand Old Party gets found protecting pedophiles.

Well buck up, you bible-belters! There's a cool new game for you, Left Behind: Eternal Forces. Now you don't even have to leave your couch to proselytize!
1) Start Spreading the News In addition to points for standard attributes like Health, Strength, and Attack Speed, each avatar accumulates Spirit points, which help players convert the heathens. Pray regularly for more Spirit points – if one of your teammates runs low, they're susceptible to sinful temptations.

2) Shout at the Devil It's bad enough that the Antichrist commands a UN-like international army – he also has devil-worshipping heavy metal on his side. Get too close to satanic rock stars and the game warns, "Beware of musicians! They may play their screaming guitars to influence you to their side."

3) Surrender to Jesus According to the book series this game is based on, all this maneuvering by mere mortals is ultimately moot anyway, for the Lord returns to Earth, vanquishes his foes, and takes the faithful to heaven. Sorry, Lucifer, no power-up can help you defeat this final boss!

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